March 27, 2010

Much Ado About Nothing

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 8:12 pm by eddejae

My poor family. What they have to put up with…

Including but not limited to…

Stupid jokes, sarcastic comments, spontaneous bursting out in song, flamboyantly ridiculous dance moves, annoying mindlessness (such as leaving caps off bottles and putting empty milk cartons back in the refrigerator), and other more… worrisome… tendencies which I have endeavored to put behind me. (My family could undoubtedly add to this list, especially my little sister, who is convinced I am insane and merely tolerates me for the most part). In addition to these endearing quirks, I have the habit of guffawing quite boisterously (and perhaps obnoxiously?) when I find something especially amusing.

My mother in particular was blessed with the privilege of such a joyous outburst following my visit to the “stats” page of my blog’s dashboard. Someone had entered “BPD wife sleeping until noon” in the search engine, and sure enough, was specifically referred to my blog. HA! How fitting, considering I am an expert at avoiding the morning-time, preferring to remain unconscious until the crack of noon! It also made me look back and realize how much I ramble about my sleeping habits haha! Oh well, it made for a hearty belly-laugh and some eye-rolling from my mother. I’m a treasure to be sure. 😉 (As a side note…The search phrase above leads me to believe that this particular person may be attempting to determine an association between BPD and late rising, but just to be clear… This has not, to the best of my knowledge, been identified as a specific characteristic of BPD sufferers… In my case, I just blame the meds for everything…hehe.)

Speaking of sleeping habits… I was up again at sunrise this morning. For heavens’ sake… Why?! I could have used an extra few hours of sleep. I’ve been exhausted the entire day! Has the lifelong night owl suddenly transformed into an early bird against her will?  Though, I have to admit, getting up hours earlier than I’m accustomed to has resulted in a significantly more productive day. In fact, I was actually a bit worried at the level of energy and productivity I experienced yesterday. From the time I got out of bed to the time I crawled back under the sheets, I was go-go-go. I read a 250-page book in under 3 hours, wrote my blog post, felt an overwhelming urge to organize our collection of hundred-something DVDs, organized my desk and files, cleaned my room spotlessly (I even swept underneath the bed *gasp*), did 60 minutes of cardio, rocked out Guitar Hero-style, did my laundry, and went grocery shopping. I haven’t done so much in a single day for a very long time. I worried that I was slipping into some kind of hypomanic-like phase (which happened in the fall last year, and was followed by a colossal crash into suicidal depression), but my mom pointed out that I’m probably just so used to being depressed (which for me translates into zero energy and zero motivation to do anything) that it feels abnormal when my my energy is finally at the level of what would be considered “normal” for someone without depression.  Plus I haven’t been especially erratic, and it’s not a “nervous” energy, so I think I’m ok. However… I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet that my anti-depressant might actually be eliminating (versus merely lessening) my symptoms… I mean, there’s no “magic cure” right? So…let’s see how the next few days go.

Hmm…I babbled a lot more than I planned to. Oh well. It’s my blog, and I can do what I want lol… I should probably sign off here before I get any more tired and my brain starts melting out my ears and dripping down my neck into pools of cerebral soup on the floor thereby destroying the carpet and terrorizing my clean-freak of a mom to the point of insanity and I start making absolutely no sense at all……

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4 Comments »

  1. No profound thoughts today, just falling on the floor laughing hoping my daughters turn out like you. Heaven help their mom if they do, we will have too much fun haha.

  2. tiffk1023 said,

    Sounds like you had a really productive day!–I could definitely use one of those soon, But yeah I totally understand what you mean when you said the depression kind of makes you feel sluggish and stuff, like I can never get myself to do anything anymore cause my mind is always preoccupied with so many unnecessary thoughts.. I don’t know. I feel bad for the many things my family have to deal with too. Especially since my emotions are so extremely unpredictable. But it’s so great that you were able to finish all those things! Haha and that part where you said you blame your meds for everything really made me laugh :]

    • Edde said,

      Well, we are both extremely unpredictable… But… Life is never boring right? I know, I know… sometimes mundaneness seems more appealing than the perpetual rollercoaster we live our lives on…but hey why not try to have a little fun with our crazy selves lol… Oh ya and the meds? Great excuse for pretty much anything…

      “Edde… Why are you sliding down the banister?”

      “It’s the meds!”

      “Edde… It’s 1 o’clock, why are you still in bed?”

      “The meds!”

      “Edde… Why did you just come home from the thrift store with twenty stuffed animals?”

      “Uh… the meds?”

      😛


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