April 2, 2010

Falling into the Sky

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , , at 10:16 pm by eddejae

Balancing on the precipice,

Toes firmly dug into the dirt,

My stomach lurches

As I glance over the edge

At the bottomless expanse below,

The limitless firmament above –

I cannot make clear the sky from the earth.

The wind, persistent at my back,

Threatens to hurl me beyond the brink.

I stiffen my stance, securing my safe abode

On the mount of sleepy security.

The road halts at this place,

Or rather – disappears into a desolate yonder.

What remains but to now retrace my steps?

Weary from my pilgrimage, I curl up to

Slumber on the threshold of the unknown.

I am awakened from fretful dreaming

By a sharp spasm between my shoulders.

Startled and wondering, I sense the raw limpness

Of newly-born wings breaking

Through my wind-worn skin.

The cobwebs clear from my sleep-drunk mind,

I grasp to what purpose I have been

Led to this seeming portal of destruction –

I am meant to fly…

No, nothing left but to leap.

Still shrunken and nascent, my wings

Quiver expectantly against my back.

Doubt seeping into my brain,

Fear creeping throughout every vein,

I avert my eyes in disbelief

From the unapproachable horizon.

I would be foolish to jump so unprepared –

My wings droop lifelessly upon my shoulders,

They are much too weak to be of use –

And who shall be my teacher?

So I shall wait, and lie here, and sleep,

Until I grow strong –

Then shall I fly.

When I am courageous –

Then shall I fly.

When I am much wiser –

Then shall I fly.

When I am certain of what lies in wait

For me amidst that eternal vastness –

Then, then I shall fly.

No sooner do I begin to sink to the ground,

When a forceful wind sends me

Plunging over the unsettling peak,

And I fall, fall, fall…straight into the sky.

In the harrowing clutch of panic, I grasp

For substance in the nothingess,

Yet further I plummet, anticipating…

I know not what.

At the moment I am ready to surrender

To the inevitable end or slip

Into the blessed numbness of unconsciousness,

I remember –

My wings.

Suddenly, as if unbidden,

I feel them unfolding, expanding, strengthening.

Energy pulses through them as

They begin to beat softly against my shoulders –

I am learning how to fly.

The agony of falling becomes

The thrill of upward climbing.

Teetering, swaying with the wind,

I laugh at my feeble, novice attempts.

Yet I grow accustomed to my burgeoning wings,

And discover a lilting cadence uniquely my own.

I pass the precipice from which the omniscient wind,

Once propelling me into frightening uncertainty,

Now guides me towards a promising horizon of hope…

I am soaring.

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1 Comment »

  1. bpdisme said,

    Beautiful, and hopeful 🙂


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