April 22, 2010

Red Rain

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:39 pm by eddejae

WARNING: This poem may be triggering to some. I had a breakdown a couple of nights ago, and I felt the need to write about it.

The jagged scars of my disquieted mind,

Jolted from the asphyxia of apathy,

Begin to bleed.

The despair-born disease leaks

Into my thirsty, eager veins,

Searing a pathway into the

Tenderness of my heart.

The burning pressure builds,

The pulsing heat unrelenting,

I ache to release it,

To cut through my flesh

And mingle blood with air,

Running down, cooling my fevered skin.

Move. Move. Itching urge to move.

Run. Run. Forever blindly running.

Drive. Drive. Driving through the

Cascades of cleansing rain –

Streetlight shadow procession –

Mocking my desperate striving

At deliverance.

Faster. Faster. Never to outrun

The demons that jeer and scold.

I cannot cry.

Something stops me.

I scream for relief

That will not come.

I pray for tears

That will not flow.

My feelings buried in the depths,

Ambushed by fear,

Trapped inside an

Impenetrable wall.

So instead I cry

Rose red tears

On the unforgiving pavement.

Streetlights flicker and cease to shine.

I am alone in my numbness.

Me.

And the rain.

And the proof

My heart still beats.

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5 Comments »

  1. bpdisme said,

    Edde, I just read this for the first time and it is simply brilliant! I could feel each aching word as if they were my own; you spoke to me. Ironically, I was going through a breakdown during the same time and still feel like I’m recovering. You write so beautifully and candidly; always a joy and an inspiration to read! Us BPD writers should publish a book of poetry together. This is truly magnificent. Keep writing! 🙂

    • Edde said,

      thank you so much… i hope you’re doing ok! if you ever need to talk you can always email me directly at catterfly_3@yahoo.com 🙂

      you know what? i was actually thinking of starting a website where individuals with BPD could submit there poems… and then it could be made into a book eventually! maybe you can help me… 😉

      • Edde said,

        uhh… “their poems” not “there poems”…i’m a grammar nazi… especially for myself … lol

  2. bpdisme said,

    Thanks, Edde. I’ll definitely be in touch at some point! 🙂

  3. katiiekaophonicc said,

    Exactly how I feel at the moment, great poem by the way. Really great!


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