April 25, 2010

To Live = To Love. To Love = To Live.

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 11:18 pm by eddejae

Well, I promised to divulge the secret of my new-found outlook on life and the turning point that I experienced, but… I am too tired! So sorry. I will say this though…

The greater your capacity to feel pain, the greater your capacity to feel joy.

I am not cured, but I have greater hope I will be. I still feel pain, but I know it will lessen more and more each day. I still have problems, but I have greater courage to face them. I am still me, but happier and more hopeful.

To wrap it all up with a cute little bow…

I’m in love.

Whew. Glad I got that one out!

Now, before you roll your eyes and get all cynical on me, I ask you to please refrain from any sort of jaded mental jaunting (don’t act so surprised – I can hear your thoughts quite loudly!) until you hear the story in its entirety and how this relationship factors into my recovery process. Suffice it to say that I had two choices:

One. To die.

Or two. To live.

I chose to live.

And I chose to love.

Life.

And love.

These are inseparable in my eyes.

I’m off to bed soon. I am posting this song as it expresses almost perfectly – in word, in rhythm, in melody – what I feel right now. Seriously… what would I do without music??

Goodnight
To the city and the sea
To the strangers in the street
Goodnight
To the ghosts out in the hall
The paint peeling off the walls
Goodnight

Sometimes I
Stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

Goodnight
To the TV and the clocks
To the rain that never stops
Goodnight
To everyone I know
Shut my eyes and let em go
Goodnight

Sometimes I
Stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

There is something beautiful dying every day
And for the first time in my life I’m not afraid
Cause there is nothing in this world that doesn’t change

Goodnight
To the person I have been
To the place that I am in
Goodnight
Tomorrow hello to the sun
Are you ready here I come
Goodnight

Sometimes I
Stand between the sidewalk and the sky
And just stare into the clouds as they pass by
You have to leave the ground to learn to fly

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9 Comments »

  1. bpdisme said,

    “The greater your capacity to feel pain, the greater your capacity to feel joy.”

    Thanks for sharing! This is so true. I just need to find that happy medium; a finely-tuned balance. *sigh* One day at a time, one step at a time, one thing at a time, right? All we have is this one second, one minute, one hour, one day. I’m going to live for today! (Or at least try, sans self-medicating!) Best to you! 🙂

    • Edde said,

      I am going to try to live for today too! It’s all we got…
      Reminds me of the song from Rent…
      The heart may freeze
      Or it can burn
      The pain will ease
      If I can learn
      There is no future
      There is no past
      I live this moment as my last
      There’s only us
      There’s only this
      Forget regret
      Or life is yours to miss
      No other road
      No other way
      No day but today

  2. Loved this post! Love is an amazing thing (said Captain Obvious.) I am so glad to hear you are in love. 🙂

  3. Stacy said,

    I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying one of the natural wonders in life. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Live life in the moment without ignoring the past or closing your eyes to the future. Life is hard enough as it is, isn’t it? We’ve got to enjoy these wonderful things like being in love. I’m almost feeling happy just vicarioulsy. 🙂 Thanks!

    • Edde said,

      i’m doing my best stacy! trying not to let the demons overtake me and ruin my happiness. it’s tough but i gotta keep on fighting… and loving! 🙂

  4. bpdisme said,

    Oh yeah, I meant to mention how happy I am to hear that you’re in love. Isn’t it a splendid thing? I’m still trying to figure it out (aren’t we all?), but I’m not afraid to let myself experience it — or any emotion for that matter; at least I’m going to try my best to live and let live! You inspire me! 🙂

    • Edde said,

      Thank you hon. I’m in it, and I’m STILL trying to figure out how it all works! I’m thinking that this “love” thing is a life-long journey. I think it’s awesome that you are open to feeling… It’s still tough for me to do… But I’m doing it! You inspire me too ya know… You’re so brave in writing. I may not comment on all your blog posts but I definitely read them and ponder them. You are wonderful person so full of life and energy… it’s contagious!

  5. Fia Marie said,

    🙂


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