August 3, 2010

Follow Up!

Posted in recovery tagged , , , at 10:56 pm by eddejae

Hello! Just to clarify to my readers, as of July 3 I officially ended my blog “Falling Forward.” However, I will soon be starting a new blog within the next month or two about this brand new chapter in my life, and I will be sure to post the link here as soon as I do. Thank you all again for your love, encouragement, and support! Stay awesome! 🙂 Love, Edde Jae ♥

July 3, 2010

Seven Days of Sunset ~ Day 7… Closing Words: Part 2…

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:04 pm by eddejae

When you hold on to your past, you impede your progress.

The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to forgive yourself and to let go so you can move forward. This often the hardest and last step. It was for me.

Ultimately, you make the choice of how you want your life to be. No matter what has happened in your past, you can change your life. Make the decision. Right now. Decide to take responsibility from this moment on for who you become.

Start where you are. This moment. Stop waiting for a miracle.

I realized it wasn’t God that was punishing me. I was punishing myself for things that had happened and things I had no control over. At least not anymore. Living in the past does nothing. So I let it go and chose to begin a new chapter.

I gave myself the power back. I took the power away from my past, from my mistakes, from my abusers, from depression, from BPD, and gave it back to myself. I chose to rise above. When you accept what has happened and relinquish yourself from undeserved blame and guilt, while taking appropriate responsibility for your actions – you become empowered again. You are able to let go of the burdens of the past. You are able to forgive yourself and move forward.

This is what happened for me, after years and years of blaming myself, of striving for unattainable perfection, of feeling guilty for everything I did.

Now I am moving on. Putting my past behind me, only taking what I have learned so that I may use it to bless my life and those around me.

I can allow myself to be happy now. To live, freely.

I can be me.

Perfectly imperfect.

Day by day, step by step, I’ve become a little more unbroken.

And though sometimes I fall… I’m forever falling forward…

April 1, 2010

Why Do We Fall?

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , at 11:20 am by eddejae

This is a scene from one of my favorite movies, Batman Begins. (As a side note, Batman is my favorite superhero for several reasons, which I will not get into now but I guarantee will be the subject of a future post… Yes, yes, I am a nerd.)

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

I’ve been in a major slump these last couple of days, and getting out of bed this morning was a battle. Ultimately, I decided I couldn’t go another day feeling so low and that I was going to fight it. Pick myself up as best I can and make this a “fall forward.”

So today is going to be a day of “damage control” – emotionally, physically, mentally. I’m fighting for my very sense of self and everything I have worked for. I’ve come so far, and I need to move on beyond my relapse and learn from it. Make it work for my benefit.

I plan to report back tonight. I think that going through the day knowing that at the end of it I will have to be accountable will keep me motivated.

Will I be wanting the Batpod?…

… Yes. Yes I will.