July 1, 2010

Seven Days of Sunset ~Day 6… No Day But Today…

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , , at 9:54 pm by eddejae

This is the ending scene from the movie version of the musical Rent, one of my very favorites. The music and the message is profound and moving…

There’s only us

There’s only this

Forget regret

Or life is yours to miss

No other road

No other way

No day but today…

There’s only now

There’s only here

Give in to love

Or live in fear

No other pay

No other way

No day but today…

This has been the sixth day of sunset…

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March 13, 2010

Guilt

Posted in recovery tagged , , , , , , , at 8:57 pm by eddejae

Every now and then, I find the familiar questions emerging to haunt me yet again. They wake me from my sleep. I turn a corner, they slap me in the face. Played out in nightmares. A word, a look, a thought. Spurred on by the pain of regret, I stumble through the murkiness of a thousand questions.

How do you say you’re sorry? Is sorry ever enough?

How do you make amends? Is it even possible?

How do you live with the regret of knowing the pain you’ve caused?

How do you stop torturing yourself with wishing you could change the past?

Can things ever be 100% right again? Or is it too late?

How do you forgive yourself, and move on?

Though I’ve come far, I can’t pretend like these things don’t bother me anymore. They still do. Tremendously. And I haven’t figured out the answers yet, though I hope I’m getting closer. I don’t know. All I know is that I am sorry… Sorry for it all.

Linkin Park – Leave Out All The Rest